Anatomy Of An Affair
By Dave Carder. Moody Publishing, 2017
In today’s society, people are experiencing a general shift away from the Judaeo-Christian morality which generations past were brought up in. These generations were taught to fix things, not just replace them (like marriages and family issues), and to work hard for what you want. Instead, we are moving towards a post-Christian, if not post-modern society, in which objective morality and hard work are thrown out of the window in favor of subjective morality and a severe and ever-growing sense of entitlement. Case-in-point: The casualness of the recent hook-up nature. Think of the Ashley Madison hack in 2015 (Ashley Madison’s tagline was “Life is short, have an affair” or something like that). Many people, both well-known and unknown, were devastated by this hack. Why? Because they wanted something that was not theirs.
Christians affected by the hack caused dual damage, as it hurt their families greatly, but also the witness of the church. However, most affairs don’t happen as a result of signing up for one on a website. Most of them develop over time. Dave Carder and his book Anatomy of an Affair, How affairs, attractions & addictions develop, and how to guard your marriage against them address this issue and how to recognize not only the warning signs, but also how close you may have come to having an affair in the past without having ever realized it.
Anatomy of the Book
Anatomy of an Affair is not meant for just one spouse or significant other to do in the relationship, it is written to be done together. While you can do it solo, the purpose behind it is accountability within the relationship as well as the overall strength and health of the relationship. Accountability comes in the realm of learning and knowing the signs of a potential shift towards an affair, or the thoughts of one. The health and strength of a relationship flow from that accountability, the want to be able to lovingly care for and watch out for each other. Interspersed throughout the book are small exercises to help one recognize what could be red-flags in their lives as well as the lives of their spouses. Also, most every chapter closes with a story, a narrative told from various perspectives, both from the betrayed and the betrayer.
In the end, this is an excellent book. I would suggest buying two copies and working through them together, and sharing what you write down. In a time and age where it is deemed acceptable to sleep with whomever you want to and then not face the consequences of your actions, taking a stand against affairs is something being done less and less. This book is not only useful for married couples, but also to be read by those in positions of pastoral care and counseling, as it provides great insight and opens eyes to see the signs and red flags that may raise all around you as you minister to broken people in an ever-broken world. Anatomy of an Affair is one book that I would think to be found in multiples in church libraries and pastor’s studies to be given out when needed. Go buy this book!